I Am Me

With all the hoops we’ve been jumping through with banks lately, in order to get our home loan approved, our day-to-day banking switched over, and what have you, I’ve become rather accustomed to undergoing the 100-point identity check. Upon meeting someone new, rather than say “Hi, I’m Melanie”, I’m just as likely now to just to whip out the driver’s licence, Medicare card and birth certificate:giggle:. It’s got me musing about how we prove we are who we are. Particularly since I’ve run into a few little… um… “issues”. For the purposes of illustration here, let’s say my middle name is “Krispy”, my married last name is “Kornflakes”, and my maiden last name is “Krunchy”.

(Ah, but how do you know those aren’t really my names?!)


Issue #1: Bank accepts birth certificate as part of 100-point check. Bureaucrat in State Revenue Office does not accept birth certificate, as birth certificate is in name “Melanie Krispy Krunchy”, not “Melanie Krispy Kornflakes”. Well duh, I wasn’t born married. Offer Marriage certificate as evidence these two are one and same. Instead, must attend police station to have “Change of Name Statement” witnessed, even though I am not changing my name, have actually been known as “Melanie Krispy Kornflakes” since y2K. Learn lesson, and do not use birth certificate again in 100-point check.Issue #2: Bank will not accept Certificate of currency of insurance because said certificate bears only “Melanie Kornflakes”, omitting vital “Krispy”. Return to insurance company to request addition of “Krispy” to certificate and resend to bank. Curse OtherHalf, whose lack of middle name I have previously always poked fun at!

Issue #3: Post Office responsible for forwarding of mail requests maiden and married names, ‘just in case’. No space for maiden name on form. Insert “Krunchy” in parentheses after “Kornflakes”. Confirmation arrives in mail, citing “Melanie Kornflakes Krunchy” as a member of household (ok, totally my fault, and let’s not go into missing “Krispy” on this one). Phone Post Office concerned that confusion will arise, and no mail for Melanie-Anyone will be forwarded to new address. Informed that should have filled form in with both “Melanie Krunchy” and “Melanie Kornflakes” persons. Oh fer crying out loud. I am now two people?!

Don’t you think that just sometimes, it would be easier to undergo fingerprick-DNA-analysis a la Gattaca, to prove your identity? At the very least, it would probably be easier to be known by a number our entire lives, rather than having to hoop jump because of middle and married names. Oh, OK, or not change our name when we marry. But that’s a whole other issue-filled post and I just don’t want to go there! I like my married name 😉

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