Forewarned is…

In her book “On Death and Dying” in 1969, Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross proposed these ‘five stages of grief’:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Apparently it is not unusual for patients diagnosed with chronic illness – not just terminal illnesses such as cancer – to progress through these stages (not necessarily separately or in order).

I believe it. It became apparent to me sometime early last week that I had progressed neatly from ‘denial’ to ‘anger’ over this whole diabetes debacle. I don’t recall any ‘bargaining’, but that could be because I don’t subscribe to any Higher Power with whom to bargain? Regardless, these last few days, I seem to have landed squarely in ‘depression’. Despite my best efforts of the last two weeks, I seem to be headed straight for the insulin, probably by the end of next week, would be my best guess.

I know, I know… technically I have not been diagnosed with a chronic illness. Technically, gestational diabetes mellitus is most often just that – gestational, therefore a transient problem. I think the main problem I have is that I tend to over-educate myself about anything that’s going on in my life. And all that I’m reading points to a fairly huge risk of me being diagnosed as a Type 2 diabetic in the next 10-15 years. As in, a 30-50% risk.

So the changes I’m making now, to my diet and exercise regime, must be made for life, in reality. Knowing I must do this is not really the same thing as feeling like I can do it. Knowing something is only for the next 10-12 weeks is entirely different, and entirely doable. (And for the record, I am doing it – I’m eating well, exercising, and have been losing what little weight I’ve put on through the pregnancy). Changing my habits for the rest of my life involves overcoming years of poor eating and exercise habits, and years of the crap self-esteem which lurks beneath. It strikes me that forewarned is not always forearmed. Sometimes, to be forewarned is to be burdened with excess stress and anxiety, both of which add their own little risk factors to one’s health.

Right now, I’m having a hard time coming to the ‘acceptance’ stage 😥

Meh. Must stitch…